Symptom Seeker Gifts

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

Health MOTs will attract 'worried well'.

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

"I want something that will make Richard Burton sit up and take notice."

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

Canine Scentipede

"It's smells so good, but why do you have to wait so long?!"

"Finally a perfume store my husband will enjoy visiting."

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

Pheromones.

'This is a very powerful perfume -- there's a ten-day waiting period.'

"If you could live your life all over again, what dead animals would you roll in?"

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

'I know I can't take it with me, but what about computer simulations?'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

Gah! My Timotei is dead. - 'But what have we here? Tresemme with orange, mango, and passionfruit.' - 'Mmmm... passionfruit...' - '*Glug* *Glug* *Glug*' -

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

Bakery. The smell of freshly baked bread is the only truly perfect man-made thing on earth.

'Tell me more! That's my favorite symptom!'

Excess

'I've learned that adding water to coffee only weakens the effect.'

Two men converse secretively

Hot flashes

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'I don't know why, but our new natural perfume line just isn't selling.'

"Actually - he's rather your 'Me, Jane ' sort of boy!"

'You cant take him anywhere since his ex told him he had B.O.'

'But who comforts the comfort food? I'll tell you who: NOBODY.'

"It has a nice soft shoulder. You said you needed one to cry on, didn't you?"

"Next!"

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'