Symptom Searcher Gifts

"How's the self-diagnosis coming?"

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

'Tell me more! That's my favorite symptom!'

M.D. Mrs. Hoskins is here to match wits with you regarding her symptoms.

Hot flashes

'Today we learned if it ain't on Google, it ain't worth knowing.'

I don't know what it is, but it's a textbook case of something.

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

My name is Bob and my laptop crashed! Tech Support Groups.

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

"Next!"

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

'But who comforts the comfort food? I'll tell you who: NOBODY.'

"It has a nice soft shoulder. You said you needed one to cry on, didn't you?"

'I know I am an inverted comma, but I still hate being quoted.'

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

"According to this website my symptoms show that I'm dead!"

"So, when you looked up your symptoms, did it say to complain about it incessantly but never seek treatment?"

"I'm feeling great but I'm worried that that might just be a symptom!"

Sympathy Cards

Type A Flu.

'You are 14st 3lb..But then, you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.'

"I'm sorry your head hurts, sweetie - is there anything I can do to make you shut up about it?"

'A body temperature of 98.6 normally wouldn't worry me but this is in centigrade!'

Falcon finds Waldo

"I knew it. I just KNEW it. How long have I had this condition, doctor? Is there a cure? Oh, God, it just had to be disease, didn't it..." Cathy finds out that she has hypochondria.