Symptom Detective Gifts

"Next!"

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'That strange smell, George.. is FRESH AIR!'

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'It's nice to meet you Otto. Your scent precedes you.'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

'Tell me more! That's my favorite symptom!'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

'I say we back off: I can't smell fear at all...'

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

"Uh-oh,...she smells another dog in my portfolio..."

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'If all the red warning lights come on, it means meltdown, so get out of the car fast!'

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

"Is that Penny I smell? It's been so long... Hold on, is this Dougie? No way! That crazy mongrel, he is nuts! I remember that time he chased those kids on skateboards all the way down Cliff Street. Wait, is this Rosie?!"

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'