Symptom Detective Gifts

"Next!"

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

"Dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, dirt, onion bagel with Nutella and cream cheese, dirt, dirt, dirt..."

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

'That strange smell, George.. is FRESH AIR!'

'There's no such thing as 'ookawooka-itis' -- You have got to stop watching doctor shows!'

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'It's restless leg syndrome, I just know it.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'I have no idea what's wrong with you. I just collect information. My computer makes the decisions.'

'It's nice to meet you Otto. Your scent precedes you.'

"The doctors say you're not doing enough to diagnose yourself."

'Tell me more! That's my favorite symptom!'

"Hi! My name is Dr. Jenkins and welcome to 'This is your disease'."

'You're free to get a second opinion, but it looks like something's wrong with that green thingie by your liver.'

'I say we back off: I can't smell fear at all...'

'I'm the doctor - I'll decide what's chronic!'

I don't know what it is, but it's a textbook case of something.

M.D. Mrs. Hoskins is here to match wits with you regarding her symptoms.

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

'I diagnosed you with THAT? Whoa! You patients really need to be more involved with your healthcare!'

"Uh-oh,...she smells another dog in my portfolio..."

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

"Interesting diagnosis. Now let's ask Google for a second opinion, shall we?"

'If all the red warning lights come on, it means meltdown, so get out of the car fast!'

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

"Wow, at last! Somebody who's really ill."

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

"It seems all doctors agree with you, but I'd still like to get a 15th opinion."