Diagnostic Detective Gifts

Well, the car's computer say it's YOU who won't start, runs rough, and back fires on acceleration.

"He's either got swamp fever, beri-beri or he's teething."

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

"Your knee-jerk reactions seem to be working just fine."

'Double or nothing on the second opinion, Doc?'

'Let's see what the ol' ticker tape' says.'

"Here...let me call an expert...someone who knows about these things."

'Well you can tell Dr. Zimler that you don't have Dalnik's syndrome, and, in fact, I think you have Zimler's syndrome.'

"It appears the pain is caused by your acupuncture treatments."

"Your psychosis is so original, that we're still brainstorming about a good name for it!"

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

'Let me through, I'm at Doctor.com.'

"Hey, the neighbors just installed a new wifi router."

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"Always remember, sweetheart, that when the service is free, YOU'RE the product!"

Disease Management

"Does anyone know anything about spyware?"

'I think the new V. P. of Global Development is here.'

"Unfortunately, there's no cure—there's not even a race for a cure."

Computer Expert

Where was I?

"Don’t you eyeball me, Ed! That’s right, look down at the table. Only technicians who remember to back up the data can look at me! And if you start to cry I will fire you!"

Terry had a computer bug.

Lies/Damned Lies/Social Media

"Tech-support has confirmed it. Screaming and hitting the computer won't solve the problem. You'll have to try something else."

"Has the Wi-Fi seemed slow to you lately?"

"Well the good news is that we did save a little money by not investing in cyber crime protection...."

'Mark my word, Walters, this is no ordinary virus.'

"....H....5....N...1...???You got me.... but I'm sure it spells trouble."

"Looks like Brandon got caught with his hand in the password jar."

"Careful! He knows computers."

'Could you be more specific than you feel zucky?'

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

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