Symptom Checker Gifts

"I'm a doctor, I'm allowed to google it."

'I'm going to refer you to a specialist in that yucky feeling.'

'I think I know what the problem is!'

"Well, either you're hopelessly optimistic or hopelessly short-sighted."

Now that you have a heart, you really should switch to polyunsaturated oil.

"It's his ego growth chart."

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

Rumors, lies and innuendo.

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

Skeptic: Critical Thinking, Facts, Debunking.

'I tried everything to turn this around but if the cops ask, I was here in this room with you guys all week.'

Wearing a sales chart as a name badge.

The Expert

'I've been googling your condition and I'm afraid to say...I think I might have it myself.'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"We're estimating that sales are now up to about here."

There are dreams...And then there's reality...

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

Objects in mirror bear no relation to reality.

'Apparently, wild hopes and dreams, re-enacted by Barbie and Ken, are no substitute for a solid business plan.'

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

Since I took command of the company, I have steered a steady course.

"We've managed to eliminate every problem except the public perception that we're heading in the wrong direction."

'If you want a reality check, I'll have to see two pieces of I. D.'

"This says you should expect to spend six months and at least $800 building the perfect lowrider bike."

I'd like a second opinion on your self-diagnosis - So a random guy from the waiting room is googling your symptoms.

Nearly a third of the earth's life-forms have gone extinct. Cut! Stop with all the facts. This is debate club! But we're using a cable tv talk show format! What should I say? Unsupported opinions

Two computers, smaller one labeled DATA, the larger one, HYPE

'You're so illogical. I can never win an argument with you.'

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

'Tell me more! That's my favorite symptom!'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

Psychiatrist. She said she could help get me in touch with reality or boost my self-esteem but not both.

I don't know what it is, but it's a textbook case of something.