Sweet Believer Gifts

"Might I suggest something wicked for dessert?"

"Uh-oh. My inner GPS is recalculating."

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"Of all the wet cement, in all the towns, in all the world, she walks in mine."

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

Child writes letter to Santa reading 'Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school'.

'I've prepared a self-evaluation which you can refer to when you do my annual review.'

Gracie sees a plane on Christmas Eve and tells her dad Santa is flying it.

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'Just tell him you mind your teacher and do your lessons. You don't have to prove it.'

"I didn't get anything I asked for last year so I want your acceptance of this year's list to be notarized."

"I'm not very scary now, but I will be if I don't get candy."

'Yes, I think you better had ask Santa for it. Because there's no way I could afford to buy it.'

'Santa, don't believe him. He's the one who ate the cookies and milk last year.'

Whole foods versus 'hole foods'.

An environmentally sound Christmas - Plant a Seedling - Full tree in 16 years.

'I'm working off Saturday's sundae.'

I heard a rumor that he's going to deliver presents using drones this year! I hope not! Drone technology is far less reliable than Rudolph and the other reindeer! And besides, Christmas eve won't be the same if the sound of sleigh bells is replaced by the buzzing of a drone! My big brother said if I don't make his bed for him every day, he'll hack into Santa's database and put me on the "naughty" list. I've never trusted his computer system. And e-mail. I ask for presents with a hard-copy

'Be good! Santa's watching!'

'This sugar substitute is perfect except for one thing. It's salty.'

"I'm a little angel when I'm asleep. Does that count?"

"Why the hell aren't you writing all this down?"

"You don't have to worry about using up your minutes."

"Psychiatric emergency service? Please come fast, I have one here who believes in me!"

"If you're not a good boy, Santa will bring you only educational toys."

'Het Dad, I don't need a bike from Santa anymore. I just found one behind your wardrobe!'

Give Thanks.

'That's all for tonight, God. Stay tuned.'

"Do you have all those things in stock?"

'You know, it's not good for kids' self-esteem to keep harping on about this 'naughty or nice' stuff.'

"... And I think you should apologise to that palm reader for scoffing at her predictions."

"We're not dividing the bill. We're dividing the calories. Two people had cheesecake..."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

"If you don't bring me what I want, next year I'll go straight to the manufacturer in China!"

'If you're a good boy, Santa will bring you tires next year.'