Sweater Savior Pillows

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

Romance

Sam's Gym. My problem is I can't get the body I want with the body I've got!

Nervous Oral Testing

"Is this about your raise?"

"Have you seen that sweater that you crocheted for me?"

Christmas sweater alternatives

'Let me through, let me through, I'm a computer geek.'

'Why, yes, I think that's a lovely sweater, Peter... But you know the rule: no snacks unless you brought enough for the whole class.'

"I'm never ready for sweater weather."

Shoe Repair and Pest Control.

Ugly Holiday Sweaters

'You've got me all wrong, baby. I don't want to touch your sweater...I want to eat it.'

"Why can't you just wear a doggie sweater?"

"It was a crime of fashion."

"We have every visible wavelength in stock. What color would you like to filter out?"

"Whoa. Jeff. You snagged your sweater."

"Arr! This isn't the map to the treasure, it's the map to me winter sweaters."

Academia in Winter

'We've passed into the fourth dimension, professor! And look, old socks as far as the eye can see!'

My tail's cold.

Weightlifting.

High in the Peruvian Andes, the alpaca sweater is born.

'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

"What are you complaining about? You've been looking for an excuse to go off your diet."

'Well this is awkward.'

"Haven't you guys ever heard of 'casual Fridays'?"

'Don't be silly, I like my sweaters a little big.'

Reindeer Sweater

"Leo and I know how much you like your Christmas sweater, so we thought we'd make you one ourselves this year."

'I take back everything I said about this sweater you knitted for me.'

This is the Ask Sadie Show. You're on, caller. What's your problem? Global warming. Stop yer snivelling! You should be grateful! But … No more pretending not to hate your friend's ugly cardigan sweaters. No more lumbago or arthritis acting up every time there's a cold spell. We could walk around in the buff year-round and still be toasty. The benefits are endless! But it's so hot! HOJ.

"Ms. Hoffman, we're from the SPCA investigating allegations of animal cruelty. Is it true that you force your small dog to wear holiday sweaters?"

You may enter but the Christmas sweater has to go!

Turtleneck Alternatives