Skin Savior Pillows

'I wish you would have come to see me sooner..'

"Acne"

'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

"Round and round the cauldron we go, in the exfoliating toner I throw."

Dermatology: Journal of Itchcraft.

'Hurry, it's having a nervous breakdown!'

"Stop your whining: as a teenage toad, I had to deal not only with acne, but with warts too..."

"No threat detected. Their vast resources are spent on lasers that combat wrinkles and unwanted hair."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

"Mom, what's the password to access dad?"

'We've passed into the fourth dimension, professor! And look, old socks as far as the eye can see!'

"We're from the 'Times' Style-section rescue squad."

Pathology.

Fortune teller sits beneath a sign 'Wrinkles Read Here'

'No wrinkles or botox for me: I naturally change my skin every so often...'

'I'm telling you, with the right moisturizer and lip balm you could avoid all of that chaffing.'

No sunscreen. Please help.

"I'm worried about him - he's praying to Mrs. Butterworth."

"Are we at the undercoat stage yet, or is this still the primer?"

'Do you just add more layers as you get older, Mom?'

'Good news and bad...good, we can use you as spare parts for other people...'

'Urgent customer announcement. Is there an EPOS systems programmer in the shop?'

'By distilling this sea water, we now create, every day, 100,000 gallons of detergent-filled drinking water.'

Winter depression.

'Please stand by. Our Newscaster has lost his toupee.'

'Adjustment of your picture is necessary - call your repairman.'

Blue screen of death

"The only calls not dropped are to your tech support."

I think I'll continue to wear a mask in future summers. I'm saving a fortune on sunscreen!

Wasting Water

Water is protected within a safe.

'Any old clothes for the jumble sale?'

"Who can afford not to moisturize?"

Makeover: Before and After

My strawberry cleansing cream, sesame oil skin moisturizer and goat's milk soap have ruined my diet.