Swashbuckling Pet Owners Gifts

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

Cat and mouse.

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

'Grrrr....'

Biologists often consult with microbiologists.

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

Go to settings, sounds, ringtone, whistle, who can hear this, then tap only me.

Cat and Dog both eating from wrong bowls.

'I hate surprises!'

"You stop it, now!"

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"Have you seen what goes into that stuff?"

"Why would I care of you scratch the couch? I'm not allowed on it..."

"To stay in or not to stay in...."

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

"Can you train him to bite my husband whenever the trash gets full?"

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

"Who's my good widdoo headless dog?"

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.

'We really should get him chipped.'

Goldie playing chess. Check.

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

Handicapped Accessible Hydrant