Swashbuckling Pet Owners Pillows

'And when you want to go to the toilet would you please bark.'

Fish that snore, and the tragic lives of those who care.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

'Oh don't listen to him! Norman wasn't a motivational guru... he was just that cat in those silly 'hang in there' posters.'

Cat scratches on a pirate's wooden leg.

'Grrrr....'

"We get fantastic indoor facilities during the cold months."

Biologists often consult with microbiologists.

'It's a pterodactyl-house.'

"It's a bit of a surprise. He has eaten people before, but only when he felt threatened. Your husband must have provoked him."

Cat and Dog both eating from wrong bowls.

'This won't take long, nurse. This is the dog that got my best friend last summer.'

"You stop it, now!"

Pets are not only good companions, they're good excuses.

It' complications galore for Sparky when easy-to-assemble instructions are read upside down.

"Have you seen what goes into that stuff?"

Stand-up comedy while you're away at work. 'What's the deal with fetching? ...And they expect you to run and go get it, so why did they throw it in the first place?' 'Ha! Ha! It's funny because it's true!'

"To stay in or not to stay in...."

"My dog is a finicky eater. He refuses to eat my homework."

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

"Why would I care of you scratch the couch? I'm not allowed on it..."

"Dear God, no! Not her first edition of 'Franny and Zooey'! You've ruined us!!"

"Oh, I do a little grass on occasion, but I avoid the heavy cruciferous greens."

"Who's my good widdoo headless dog?"

'We really should get him chipped.'

101 uses of a dead cat: chariot wheels.

Goldie playing chess. Check.

Do not allow your owner to foul the footpath.

'Tell you what. Let's corner a cat and play 'good dog - bad dog'.'

"He's my discomfort animal."

"It's a good thing Effie likes these little funerals, she's had such awful luck with her pets."