Survivalists With A Sense Of Humor Gifts

Man in desert sees a man selling gloves, knee pads and shoes.

"Go deep."

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

"If you got us lost ... I am so eating you first."

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

"This better be high tide."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

Town follows the snow plough.

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

'I told you. I'll be home with dinner just as soon as it dies.'

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

Stay in school.

"Karl, act like a stuffed porcupine!"

'Dear Santa, when I asked for a ship, what I meant was...'

Koool sunglasses, only $10-.

Look! A penny!

Woman on desert island reads message she finds in a bottle: 'It's an ad for a diet club.'