Survivalist With A Dash Of Humor Gifts

Town follows the snow plough.

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Emergency Phone.

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

"No, I'm not building a raft. I'm building a double bed!"

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"If you got us lost ... I am so eating you first."

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"We both knew this day would come, Samantha... I'm leaving you and taking the kids."

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

'Check... weapons... maps... house-wife... clean underwear...'

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

"Listen, girl: It's been three days, we're lost and out of food. I need you to find a radio that has the Bruins game on ..."

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

"This better be high tide."

"At least you have a tree."

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

'I'm sorry, but I don't know where 'this is'. I, too, am a stranger here.'

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'

"No...ha-ha, no, but seriously, boy, I'm going to have to eat you now."