Survivalist With A Dash Of Humor Gifts

Town follows the snow plough.

'I'd like two pizzas, one with cheese and pepperoni and the other with cheese and sausage. One more thing, do you deliver?'

Emergency Phone.

'If we hadn't outsourced the staff, we could've eaten them.'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

"That's 'Help' with an 'H'."

'No Jake, I don't want to watch you do it again.'

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

"No, I'm not building a raft. I'm building a double bed!"

'Bottled water or other non-carbonated diet beverage!'

"If you got us lost ... I am so eating you first."

'You are here' sign on desert island.

"What, no day spa? And you call this a luxury bunker."

How to survive the coming crash.

'I'm kind of a survivalist myself. I roast my own coffee and distil my own gin.'

"We both knew this day would come, Samantha... I'm leaving you and taking the kids."

"At least you have a tree."

"Sure he's cute, but we should have discussed this."

Randy, if you were stranded on an island, what's the one book you'd want to have along with you? Easy: Blood Meridian by Cormac McCarthy. It's got the perfect heft to knock coconuts out of trees. Well, I'd like to have How to Get off an Island, by Archie MacGuyver. That title's actually a metaphor for overcoming shyness. We really should have our own book review show.

"This better be high tide."

"Don't even bother – this oasis only has two and a half stars."

"I'm next time I spring for the personal Wi-Fi hotspot..."

'Check... weapons... maps... house-wife... clean underwear...'

"Listen, girl: It's been three days, we're lost and out of food. I need you to find a radio that has the Bruins game on ..."

"I'm increasing your OnlyFan subscription..."

'I'm sorry I don't date people from other islands!'

'You go ahead. I just don't feel like drinking this afternoon ...'

"The problem is, you never know if they're ripe until you bite into one."

'Are you going anywhere near a chemist?'

'I told you. I'll be home with dinner just as soon as it dies.'

Republican Beach. . . Nature Preserve rule: EAT OR BE EATEN!

'Hey, I know! -- We can dig a basement and wait till it floods!'

'Oh wait, I've got a good one! I spy with my little eye.'

'I'm sorry, but I don't know where 'this is'. I, too, am a stranger here.'

'I bet it's nice and warm inside!'