Surveyer Gifts

'Excuse me, Sir - I wonder if you'd mind helping me with a survey....?'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

Tension filled the tent.

When Engineers Crack.

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

'I'm studying the lay of the land..'

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

Explorer with enormous magnifying glass.

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

Government survey into the effects of haggis throwing in Ethiopia.

'Shouldn't we be doing this online?'

'Please, Ma'am — I'm running out of paper!'

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

Why the discovery of the New World took longer than expected.

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

'For? Against? Undecided? Uniformed? Apathetic? This is one accurate poll!'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

"No, he's not in right now, he's out demographing."

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

Surveys and economic interests

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

"Oh dear! Low-cost housing."

"I see you have experience marking territory."

Results of the Tropical Fish Sex Survey

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

'I wonder if you would like to subscribe to a theory.'

Join the Army! And see the world! Satellite reconnaissance photo analysis division.

Man with head in ground: 'I'm not burying my head in the sand, I'm doing the coal mining search myself.'

"Yes, Mr. Willis, it's definitely rising damp."

"Shall I put that down as a 'Don't Know' then?"

'Talk about advanced technology! It even has a beer holder!'