Property Surveyor Gifts

"I'm afraid it looks like a nasty case of rising dry."

'Now do you believe me?'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

Valuation of Heaven

House with Damp Problem.

'That's my loft ladder.'

"That's the worst case of rising damp I've ever seen!"

"There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have trouble with those in the back yard."

"I told you it was just the house settling."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

When Engineers Crack.

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

Explorer with enormous magnifying glass.

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Mouse real estate!

Why the discovery of the New World took longer than expected.

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

Surveys and economic interests

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

"I see you have experience marking territory."

"Oh dear! Low-cost housing."

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

Results of the Tropical Fish Sex Survey

'I wonder if you would like to subscribe to a theory.'

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

"This is a lovely three bedroom detached property, with close proximity to Heathrow and the M25!"