Property Surveyor Gifts

"I'm afraid it looks like a nasty case of rising dry."

'Now do you believe me?'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

Valuation of Heaven

House with Damp Problem.

'That's my loft ladder.'

"That's the worst case of rising damp I've ever seen!"

"There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have trouble with those in the back yard."

"I told you it was just the house settling."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

When Engineers Crack.

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

'I'm studying the lay of the land..'

Explorer with enormous magnifying glass.

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Mouse real estate!

Why the discovery of the New World took longer than expected.

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

Surveys and economic interests

"I see you have experience marking territory."

"Oh dear! Low-cost housing."

"Darling, there's an offer for a time-share nest in Florida: Should we apply?"

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

Results of the Tropical Fish Sex Survey

'I wonder if you would like to subscribe to a theory.'

Pollsters: Mori, Gallup and Just Nosey.