Buildings Surveyor Gifts

'Martin was the first one in the business to recognise certain problems with gingerbread houses.'

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

A man sees a leak in his ceiling and drills a hole in the floor under leak to by pass his apartment.

When Engineers Crack.

There is nothing more satisfying that peeling the film off a brand new building.

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

Hello, this is Cable News. Oh. I'm Mortimer Park. As you know, we only have four short years until the next presidential election. So it's time to start asking: Who should run? Whom do you prefer? (A) Al Gore … (B) John Kerry … (C) Marco Rubio … (D) Ted Cruz ... (E) Christ Christie ... House of Java Cybercafe. How about (F) You? Mr. Eugene Yu is actually (T).

"You're right -- this town is big enough for the both of us."

'I'm studying the lay of the land..'

'I don't care if it's a little storage room for King Tut, you still need a building permit and contractor's license.'

'Sorry mate. Your church doesn't meet the minimum building code.'

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed house site, but that I'm not familiar with your planet's building codes.'

'Promise me you'll say Yes / No / Don't know ...'

Dave cut costs and now realizes that in order to pass inspection, he may have to arrange a marriage between his daughter and the building inspector's son.

'My building inspector just doesn't understand me.'

"Bob wait, let's do the survey first! Sir, on a scale of 1, poor, to 10, excellent, how would you rate our chase today?"

Explorer with enormous magnifying glass.

'Can you spare a minute, madam - I'm doing a king of all I survey.'

'That's subsidence Sir Bryan - The charts are over here.'

Why the discovery of the New World took longer than expected.

"You call yourselves a demographic?"

'It's not so much the distance to your proposed mini-mall site, but that I'm not as familiar with your galaxy's zoning laws as I'd like to be.'

"That's it - I've had it up to here with measurement devices."

'Oh no. The building inspector. He's worse than the Pharaoh.'

'What makes you think the basement leaks?'

Under New Mismanagement

“It’s a pre-war building, but you’ll see they’ve kept most of the details.”

'5.40pm on the 2nd day....and still waiting for the surveyor'

'I hate the new building inspector. He can smell fear a mile away.'

Surveys and economic interests

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

"I see you have experience marking territory."

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

"Oh dear! Low-cost housing."