Surgical Tech Gifts

'Say, please.'

'Well, well, well...'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

Cat Scan

"I'm afraid your Apple goggles aren't compatible with your X brain implant."

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

"Darn it, lost another swab."

'Still no improvement? Nurse, attach more gizmos.'

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

"Oh, I don't do the test myself Sir: Doctor Vampire does it..."

'Brain surgery? I have an app for that!'

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'Oh great, these guys again! The big guy can't fit inside the MRI scanner, sheet boy falls right through it, and The Count's images never develop...'

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

"Puffiness and dark circles under the eyes, sniffles, trouble sleeping, rashes...you don't have allergies...you have children."

'Your test results are in, and you're FULL of surprises!'

"Ok, let's go over this one more time, 'The Leg Bone's Connected To The. . .'"

'Talk about high-tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

'I had the heaters installed since you complained about my cold hands last time.'

"...and how about you, Wellington? Does this smell funny to you?"

'Gee... Nothing says 'I'm dead' like a severed head.'

Surgeon

"Mr. Marshand, wake up – your MRI is over! Mr. Marshand!!"

"As you can see Mr. Smith, your CAT scan was positive."

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'Some people feel they've entered a dark, claustrophobic place, from which there's no escape...'

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

Stool Samples

'Angiogram.'

'Mobile reception OK in there?'

'Hold it, you can cancel that STAT call.'