Health Tech Gifts

"Unfortunately, Warren's pace-maker is also a wifi hotspot."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"I'm afraid your Apple goggles aren't compatible with your X brain implant."

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'Brain surgery? I have an app for that!'

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'Say, please.'

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

'Talk about high-tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

Hold on - it may take a few minutes for his new pacemaker to sync with his Fitbit.

"Yes, of course you can have a second opinion — ask Siri."

"The patient handed me this 'wearable technology' and said 'all the answers are on there'."

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"Nurse, could you please click Ok?"

'Slow Connection'

Vending machines. Junk food. Robotic surgery.

"The machine's done something really weird to Mr. Hendrickson."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'Don't worry about the workload. The boss upgraded the computer.'

Health Care Parade

'Of course it's not downloading your iTunes. That's your 24-hour heart monitor.'

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be DEAD!"

"The good news is your virus is gone. The bad news is it infected your electronic health records."

A doctor checks on a patient hooked up to a complicated-looking machine.

Dr. Jarvik, and his lesser known invention, the artificial soul.

'While you're in there, could you do me a favor and look around for a silver earring? The patient before you thinks that's where she lost it.'

'Oops! Turn down the power on this lazer thing, will you.'

"Your electronic medical records were accidentally deleted. You'll have to start over again with acne."

"He won the Nobel prize for science. He invented the vibrating tampon."

"The computers are down, so I can't 'search' your symptoms at the moment."

'Some people find the MRI chamber claustrophobic.' - 'Oh.' - 'I call those people 'the lucky few'.' - 'Ah.' - 'Whatever you do don't think about being buried alive.' - 'Gah.' -

'I can't examine you, but your health insurance does allow you access to a self-diagnosing website.'

"You should have told us that you are a bedwetter!'

'Wait 'til you see our new defibrillator. It's a Michael Graves design.'