Health Tech Pillows

"Unfortunately, Warren's pace-maker is also a wifi hotspot."

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"I'm afraid your Apple goggles aren't compatible with your X brain implant."

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

'Brain surgery? I have an app for that!'

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'Say, please.'

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

'Talk about high-tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

"Yes, of course you can have a second opinion — ask Siri."

"The patient handed me this 'wearable technology' and said 'all the answers are on there'."

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

'Slow Connection'

"Nurse, could you please click Ok?"

Vending machines. Junk food. Robotic surgery.

"The machine's done something really weird to Mr. Hendrickson."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'Don't worry about the workload. The boss upgraded the computer.'

Health Care Parade

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be DEAD!"

A doctor checks on a patient hooked up to a complicated-looking machine.

"The good news is your virus is gone. The bad news is it infected your electronic health records."

Dr. Jarvik, and his lesser known invention, the artificial soul.

'Oops! Turn down the power on this lazer thing, will you.'

"Your electronic medical records were accidentally deleted. You'll have to start over again with acne."

"The computers are down, so I can't 'search' your symptoms at the moment."

"He won the Nobel prize for science. He invented the vibrating tampon."

'Some people find the MRI chamber claustrophobic.' - 'Oh.' - 'I call those people 'the lucky few'.' - 'Ah.' - 'Whatever you do don't think about being buried alive.' - 'Gah.' -

'I can't examine you, but your health insurance does allow you access to a self-diagnosing website.'

'Wait 'til you see our new defibrillator. It's a Michael Graves design.'

"You should have told us that you are a bedwetter!'

"They're working miracles with felt-tipped markers these day!"