Health Tech Buff Pillows

'Talk about high-tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Is this still America?'

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

'Why are you giving me an allergy shot. Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-allergy shot?'

"I had no idea that exercising my right of immunity meant this."

"Yes, of course you can have a second opinion — ask Siri."

Water: the first medicine

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

'There's no cure, but the good news is we have some great support groups!'

"The patient handed me this 'wearable technology' and said 'all the answers are on there'."

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

'I had a larger sample for you but I had trouble getting the lid back on. . .'

"I've lost my voice. Is it contagious?"

'I'm afraid the surgeon couldn't perform your operation, because you weren't wearing clean underpants.'

'Don't worry about the workload. The boss upgraded the computer.'

"It's just a reaction to all that artificial flavoring and artificial sweetening. Now if you just take this synthetic medicine..."

'I need to depox.'

"Your fastball is just hanging and your curve isn't breaking at all. What you should do is take an analgesic with some pain-relieving anti-inflammatory ingredients for a few days."

'I take it that when you went on your 'spot reduction' diet, this wasn't what you had in mind?'

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

"He was doing so well, then his medicine bottles fell on him."

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be DEAD!"

Man enters Gastroenterologist's and has two doors: "Spleen Vent" and "Gut Check"

'So does this 'hip, bum and thighs diet' work?'

Dr. Jarvik, and his lesser known invention, the artificial soul.

'I think I may need a stool softener. . .'

"The good news is your virus is gone. The bad news is it infected your electronic health records."

A doctor checks on a patient hooked up to a complicated-looking machine.

'Oops! Turn down the power on this lazer thing, will you.'