Health Tech Enthusiast Pillows

"Our new diagnostic software works perfectly, as long as your name is Kevin and you've got a cold!"

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

Hold on - it may take a few minutes for his new pacemaker to sync with his Fitbit.

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

March Against Big Tech: "Oh, wow, this has bee great for my step count!"

"We need to update your entire operating system."

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'Talk about high-tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

Medical Bling: "Help!" on a rope, Important info, O2 4U, Snazzy 3-prong

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"The patient handed me this 'wearable technology' and said 'all the answers are on there'."

"Dogs can detect cancer, and mice can detect tuberculosis."

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'Don't worry about the workload. The boss upgraded the computer.'

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

'When I run in place for 30 seconds, my pacemaker opens the garage door.'

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be DEAD!"

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

"I knew the romance had left our relationship when he bought me a new sphygmomanometer for Valentine's Day!"

"The good news is your virus is gone. The bad news is it infected your electronic health records."

'When I use my iPod, my implantable defibrillator kicks in.'

"Don't worry, Mr. Jones. The fact that doctors still use pagers doesn't mean the hospital has outdated equipment!"

"Well, if you followed me on twitter, you'd already know your diagnosis."

"Your electronic medical records were accidentally deleted. You'll have to start over again with acne."

'This less-weight app is great! It suggested I lie my mobile down on the scale instead of stepping on it myself and look - less-weight!'

"He won the Nobel prize for science. He invented the vibrating tampon."

'To see how the ward is doing you just need to use your smartphone to set up a wi-fi hotspot which you can use to download a pdf of the data.'