Techie Health Enthusiast Pillows

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Is this still America?'

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

'Talk about high-tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

"No, I'm not able to transplant your computer's antivirus software into your body. Try washing your hands more often."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"The patient handed me this 'wearable technology' and said 'all the answers are on there'."

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"I've been using the latest home tech and apps to monitor my health....And after feeding the results into some online medical sites I discovered I was dead!"

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'Don't worry about the workload. The boss upgraded the computer.'

'I take it that when you went on your 'spot reduction' diet, this wasn't what you had in mind?'

"I run a weight loss site, and my friend here runs a bodybuilding site."

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be DEAD!"

Cyber-Cise: 'Let's start with 3 sets of 8 reps of uploading, rest and repeat for downloading.'

'So does this 'hip, bum and thighs diet' work?'

A doctor checks on a patient hooked up to a complicated-looking machine.

"Nice try, but I'm not counting these as your steps. I know you're jst sitting down, eating junk food and stomping your feet on the floor."

"The doctor says your vital signs are strong, but the IT guy says your portal password is weak."

"So, how do you like your new medical website?"

"Alright, let's Google those symptoms and see what we come up with."

"Well, if you followed me on twitter, you'd already know your diagnosis."

'This less-weight app is great! It suggested I lie my mobile down on the scale instead of stepping on it myself and look - less-weight!'

I think the doctor will agree with me on this, Sir, you have Elephantitis!

'I'm downloading an exercise manual.'

"He won the Nobel prize for science. He invented the vibrating tampon."

Man waiting in line to self scan himself at a hospital.

'What I thought was good cholesterol turned out to be bad cholesterol, but fortunately what I thought was bad cholesterol, turned out to be good cholesterol.'

'An ounce of prevention is worth a substantial discount on your premiums.'

The Sperm and the Germ