Healthcare Tech Geek Gifts

'Don't worry about the workload. The boss upgraded the computer.'

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Is this still America?'

"I'm sorry, but the doctor no longer sees patients in person. But he does take e-mail from 9 to 3."

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

"I guess exercise will make me feel more energetic, but I feel like I'm wasting all my energy exercising!"

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

'Talk about high-tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

Hold on - it may take a few minutes for his new pacemaker to sync with his Fitbit.

'Our new multi-syringe will take care of all your allergies in one fell swoop.'

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"The patient handed me this 'wearable technology' and said 'all the answers are on there'."

The discovery of the $2,000 Aspirin

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

"Take two aspirin and email me in the morning."

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

'The nation is evenly divided again...the red states, Atkins Diet...the blue states, South Beach.'

'I take it that when you went on your 'spot reduction' diet, this wasn't what you had in mind?'

"It's the only way I can get some of my patience to listen to me!"

'The diagnostic computer keeps getting error messages.'

'Of course it's not downloading your iTunes. That's your 24-hour heart monitor.'

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be DEAD!"

'So does this 'hip, bum and thighs diet' work?'

Man enters Gastroenterologist's and has two doors: "Spleen Vent" and "Gut Check"

"If your bill isn't paid in 30 days, you'll be hearing from the organ collection repro man!"

Dr. Jarvik, and his lesser known invention, the artificial soul.

"The good news is your virus is gone. The bad news is it infected your electronic health records."

'Nurse Nodnik will be live blogging the operation.'

'When I use my iPod, my implantable defibrillator kicks in.'

'Oops! Turn down the power on this lazer thing, will you.'

'The Electronic Health Records software works very well. I entered the patient's medications, vitals, and allergies. The software calculated the course of treatment, projected outcome, and anticipate insurance reimbursement.'

"He won the Nobel prize for science. He invented the vibrating tampon."

'This less-weight app is great! It suggested I lie my mobile down on the scale instead of stepping on it myself and look - less-weight!'

'To see how the ward is doing you just need to use your smartphone to set up a wi-fi hotspot which you can use to download a pdf of the data.'