Health Tech Geek Gifts

"He won the Nobel prize for science. He invented the vibrating tampon."

"We need to update your entire operating system."

'Is this still America?'

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."

"Just think of this prescription as an app for your body...with side effects."

"I guess exercise will make me feel more energetic, but I feel like I'm wasting all my energy exercising!"

'Talk about high-tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

Hold on - it may take a few minutes for his new pacemaker to sync with his Fitbit.

'Our new multi-syringe will take care of all your allergies in one fell swoop.'

That's my diagnosis. If you want a second opinion, I will ask my Smart Phone

"The patient handed me this 'wearable technology' and said 'all the answers are on there'."

The discovery of the $2,000 Aspirin

'This new diet drug comes as a pill, patch, or as a phone app with Siri saying, don't eat so much.'

'The nation is evenly divided again...the red states, Atkins Diet...the blue states, South Beach.'

'Don't worry about the workload. The boss upgraded the computer.'

'I take it that when you went on your 'spot reduction' diet, this wasn't what you had in mind?'

'The diagnostic computer keeps getting error messages.'

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

'Of course it's not downloading your iTunes. That's your 24-hour heart monitor.'

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be DEAD!"

'So does this 'hip, bum and thighs diet' work?'

Man enters Gastroenterologist's and has two doors: "Spleen Vent" and "Gut Check"

A doctor checks on a patient hooked up to a complicated-looking machine.

"If your bill isn't paid in 30 days, you'll be hearing from the organ collection repro man!"

'When I use my iPod, my implantable defibrillator kicks in.'

'Oops! Turn down the power on this lazer thing, will you.'

Henry ignored his antihistamine's warning to avoid operating dangerous machinery while using it and loses his right foot to the vacuum cleaner.

"Well, if you followed me on twitter, you'd already know your diagnosis."

'This less-weight app is great! It suggested I lie my mobile down on the scale instead of stepping on it myself and look - less-weight!'

Man waiting in line to self scan himself at a hospital.

'It's his pacemaker. h3e's not supposed to go near the refrigerator.'

'I can't examine you, but your health insurance does allow you access to a self-diagnosing website.'

'And yet if there's no disease it actually fights, can we honestly call it a drug.'

'It monitors your life signs -- we call it the 'grim beeper.''