Medical Tech Gifts

"I'm getting the hang of the patient portal. It reminded me to refill my beta blocker, but I keep getting ads. Can you prescribe a good pop-up blocker too?"

'Well, well, well...'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

'No, Mr. Simmons, your MR images aren't in yet. We have older equipment, which takes a little longer to process.'

Cat Scan

"I'm afraid your Apple goggles aren't compatible with your X brain implant."

'We don't have a cure for your ailment but there is an appropriate app available.'

"...we have a heart-lung-kidney-liver-spleen machine."

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

"We think we got some good CT scans, but unfortunately they're encrypted and our I.T. guy is on vacation this week."

"Darn it, lost another swab."

'Still no improvement? Nurse, attach more gizmos.'

'I have the feeling my expiration date is nearly up.'

A mosquito cleaning the surface of a person's arm before sucking out the blood.

"Oh, I don't do the test myself Sir: Doctor Vampire does it..."

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

'Brain surgery? I have an app for that!'

'Having all this information on my patient's diagnostics is great, but I think I need a degree in data analytics to sort it all out...'

'Oh great, these guys again! The big guy can't fit inside the MRI scanner, sheet boy falls right through it, and The Count's images never develop...'

'Right here is where your imaging data is clogging up all of your bandwidth.'

'Your test results are in, and you're FULL of surprises!'

'Say, please.'

"Mrs. Barnes is to have a complete head-to-toe – she's to be the victim in a bandage-instruction class."

'Talk about high-tech! You'll be getting a pacemaker ipod combo.'

'Gee... Nothing says 'I'm dead' like a severed head.'

'I had the heaters installed since you complained about my cold hands last time.'

"Mr. Marshand, wake up – your MRI is over! Mr. Marshand!!"

"As you can see Mr. Smith, your CAT scan was positive."

'The lab report just came in. The lab is in fine shape!'

'Some people feel they've entered a dark, claustrophobic place, from which there's no escape...'

'Mobile reception OK in there?'

'Hold it, you can cancel that STAT call.'