Surgical Sarcasm Enthusiast Gifts

"Last week on 'Top Surgeon' Erica won immunity, while Carl was sent home for killing his patient during routine gallbladder surgery."

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

"Damn it, nurse! I didn't ask for a twenty. I asked for a ten and two fives."

'Veins...arteries...I told you I can never tell one from another.'

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

"It was a botched surgery."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

"When Butcher Bob gets back from lunch this one is getting a vasectomy."

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'As for the tonsillectomy...there was a little mix-up... In other words, you now have cup size D!'

'Brain surgery, Harold? Have you lost your mind?!'

Reflex Testing -"...and you're sure you can't feel it"

Doctor, I can't feel my legs! I know you can't, I had to amputate your arms.

"Your husband's operation was successful and he can now freely move his arms and legs!...You might want to consider having this surgery yourself!"

"He's going to be fine. We're just putting his giblets back."

Hospital Cleaning.

"No response doctor! The patient is sedated!"

"Did you get some work done?"

"If it takes the GMC 20 years to spot a rogue surgeon what chance have you got in 20 minutes?"

'We operated just in time. Another two days and you have got better on your own.'

'You'll be aware during the entire procedure because our anesthetic has been recalled by the F.D.A.'

"I'm removing the liver.. No, the kidneys... Presure, pressure, what's that blobby thing?"

'Dont you hate it when there are parts left over.'

'Sponge diving, Bob?'

"That's just in case we need to go in again."

'Doc, check out screen 2 in ten minutes...we got the big game!'

"Sorry, Bob, those are the rules– you drop the kidney, you give them yours."

'Where did you say the new anaesthetist trained?'

'Nurse Wilhelm will be live-blogging the whole procedure.'

'Golf War Syndrome.'

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

"Say, does anyone here know how to tie a sailor's knot?"

Casino plastic surgery...specializing poker faces.

"Our operators are all busy. You are second in the queue."