Summer Sceptic Gifts

"I should have known - I hate the beach."

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"I've just barbecued my head again."

Academics At The Beach: The Old Man And The Sea

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

Conspiracy Theory Bookstore: JFK, Princess Di, and Osama Bin Laden.

"We fell for this last time remember..."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

Flat-earthers and round-earthers reach a compromise.

'No, I don't believe in life after birth. When you're born, you're born!'

"I'm starting to miss the summer people. It's been weeks since I glowered."

Swami Trevor's Brotherhood of Celestial Enlightenment

"My husband won't do Florida - too sunny. He's afraid of falling asleep on the beach and waking up 75-years-old."

I'm starting a lawn-mowing service instead of going to camp. Excellent. Can I have a loan to get started? What for? Gas can, tool cart, mower blade, sharpening and insurance in case I cut off my foot or someone's prized peony. Maybe we can afford summer camp. It's a bargain.

"Can atheists refuse to participate?"

Senior Investment Analyst R.G. Thornhill glimpses the Universe in a grain of sand and is not impressed.

Musings of a Marooned Mountain Man

Rational explanations

'Looks like somebody is ready for summer.'

"Nope! Not that one! They still believe that 'gods' created the universe!"

"Thank you for not praying."

Man to man re: crackpot's sign that says, 'Your Nutty Idea Here': Everybody's out to make a buck these days.

Sunbathing in Winter

'It's a wonderful find, and yet there's something suspicious about it.'

"I just can't seem to get into the spirit of the thing."

"So if I'm to understand you correctly, this 'engineered athletic footwear' with its 'extended torsion system' is also a sneaker?"

'I see you reaching into your wallet for a twenty dollar bill.'

A person is reading another person's thoughts.

Stanley Middleton

'You know, folks, if they still haven't made you paranoid enough, here's something ELSE for you to think about.... What if Benghazi was just a DISTRACTION?'

"I ran out of vacation days, so I didn't fly south this winter."

'The wife came up with the idea, the Haunted House was dead in this heat, yeah its going down a storm.'

"I hate summer, I feel naked and vulnerable without my hoodie."

Dog Sun Shade.