Summer Salad Enthusiast Gifts

Policeman wishing for lighter food than meat in hot weather

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

Build Your Own Portfolio

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Like death by salad.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Tell them we only have romaine!"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

'Preparing rocket salad isn't domestic science, ladies.'

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"I had a Caesar salad for lunch, but that was two days ago."

"I feel like I'm cosplaying as a salad bar."

"I don't bake, I don't cook, but I make one kick-ass vinaigrette."

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'Diet considerations.'

"What about the five that fell through?"

Chef picking salad leaves from a hanging basket outside his restaurant.

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

Vegetarian Restaurant: Choose Your Own Cabbage

"More croutons, sir?"

Cinema with a salad bar in its lobby.

'I didn't know it was a one-trip salad bar!'

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways … Open Mike Night Presents Sadie Cohen. I love thee to the depth and breadth and height my ladle can reach … When feeling hungry for the crunch of crouton and ideal lettuce. I love thee to the level of every day's most quiet need ... by cheesy bread and chicken wing. I love thee freely, as men strive for right. I eat of thee freely, and then, at four, 'tis goodnight. O Sizzler salad bar, how do I love thee? I'm hungry.

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

Where Summer Sausage Comes From...

Free salad bar.

'If a tomato is a fruit, why don't you get it in fruit salad?'