Suburban Troublemaker Gifts

Lawn mower breaking kit

"He loves his leaf blower."

"The trees are laughing at us."

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

"It may have been just a kick-about in the garden, but Eric took things very seriously."

"I'm telling you! They don't know anything! No one is in charge!"

'Ooops. Wonder if I can claim El Nino caused a surge in water pressure?'

Madison Avenue and Maple Street

It was going to be a subdivision, but they ran out of snow. Chilly Hills Estates.

"When the heck did leaf blowers become grass blowers?!"

Lawrence of Suburbia

Mega Construction Company: Paving Paradise and Putting Up Parking Lots for Over 50 Years. Deal with it.

"Welcome to the neighbourhood. I hope you like savory pies."

'She wasn't a soccer mom after all -- she was a NINJA mom!'

'This is coming out of your allowance!'

'I couldn't put it down... I had peanut butter on my hands.'

John Updike.

"So we figured why explore Mars when, closer to home, there's still so much we don't know about the Petersens."

'Don't give me that! I know for a fact, he was in my flowerbeds!!'

Poker Moms

'...and this is our noisiest model Sir - just right for waking up the neighbours on a Sunday morning.'

'Just think of it as graphic design, Mom.'

'The world's first riding lawnmower.'

"The Imaginary Playmate Meets the Invisible Fence"

Country Mouse and City Mouse Meet Suburb Mouse

'The growing field of lawn enforcement'.

"The house is staged beautifully. The only thing left is to tell Duane to go inside during showings."

"Tell you the truth - I ain't feelin' all that Hitchcockian."

Burbivore

"The boondocks R us, I guess."

Mowing the Lawn

"If the Greenlanders don't want to become Americans, Trump can buy our meadow! It's green, too, and we wouldn't have to keep pulling up the weeds!"

Couple in garden, "Look - Lawrence of suburbia."

Whole family rushing to see a newly laid egg

Did you know that suburban white males have over 100 words for lawn?