Substance Sleuth T-Shirts

"...I suggest we call it Greenspanium"

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

$1: Family Secrets

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

'Have you no common scents?!'

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

Roentgen tries to figure out what he's discovered.

"I need to self isolate. . . but I thought I'd better come in and see you first!"

'The dog ate my homework -- I thought maybe you could X-ray him.'

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

"Do you smell something?"

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

Medical Library - Large books with really revolting photographs

"Essentially Wilkins proves things and Brenner disproves them."

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

'Another sad case of an over dose on uncut sugar cereal.'

Undercover Biophysicists

The Modern Godot

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

GM Crops Genie.

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

"Ok, you were right – dogs can see ghosts."

'It's for the girl who's in a hurry.'

Newton's Law and Order.

Galileo describes his discoveries to the church (and gets hit over the head by the bishop/pope with the telescope that he made the discoveries with).

The Animal Researcher Reports...'I've been watching this herd of cattle for seven years, and to be frank, I haven't seen them do anything yet!'

Schrodingers cat at the vets

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

'She didn't notice it was a wolf and not her grandma?? Had grandma never heard of electrolysis??'