Sniff Sleuth T-Shirts

'He believes in taking time to stop and smell the noses.'

"Our mistress is a florist you see, so it's fun to sniff her when she gets home to guess which flowers are in season..."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

$1: Family Secrets

"Eww - that whale's breath smells awful!" "You could use a breath mint yourself, lady!"

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

'It's not for myself, you understand."

'Have you no common scents?!'

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

"Do you smell something?"

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

"I don't feel like going to school. Isn't that a flu-like symptom?"

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

IRS, 'I think we should audit this one, sir -- his signature looks shaky.'

The Modern Godot

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

'It's for the girl who's in a hurry.'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.

"Light at the end of the tunnel!"

'(Sniff!)... Hey! Somebody stole my identity!'

'Excellent sir! Your signature is now completely illegible.'

'Loose lips sink principalships.'

"In a nutshell Mr. Beesley, you have hypochondria."

Two men converse secretively

"...I suggest we call it Greenspanium"

"I write these in my manager's handwriting, so no one will hate me."

'He's a sniffer dog-trained to sniff out dope.'

Health MOT's will attract 'worried well': I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I think I've got ALL these life threatening illnesses.

'Remember, all these security cameras are for YOUR protection...otherwise, I'd come over there and smack you.'

Catholic Priest Gay Mardi Gras

'Wow, Professor Jones, that's an impressive back-of-the-envelope calculation!'

'It's easy to follow the No Deodorant Kid.'