Chemical Sleuths T-Shirts

"Freeze! We're taking a look at your additives, preservatives, artificial coloring..."

'To most people, 1984 is just a novel; around here it's our instruction manual.'

I'm at the shrub with the empty bag of pretzels we sniffed last week. Where are you?

$1: Family Secrets

"Look, Professor - a stegosaurus!"

'Have you no common scents?!'

"Excuse me, Professor. I think I might have spotted a flaw in your theory!"

Roentgen tries to figure out what he's discovered.

"I need to self isolate. . . but I thought I'd better come in and see you first!"

'The dog ate my homework -- I thought maybe you could X-ray him.'

"I'm getting cinnamon, brandy, nutmeg, a hint of Alsatian."

"So who is this First pet?"

"Do you smell something?"

"Perkins! What have you gone and done now...??"

'No, that's not my shaving lotion. We've been burning cow chips in the wood stove.'

"I'm in my third day of trying to figure out which little square I am."

'Should I just hit 'reply to all' and save the government the trouble?'

"Essentially Wilkins proves things and Brenner disproves them."

Medical Library - Large books with really revolting photographs

The FDA studies 'Tobacco'.

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

'It's for the girl who's in a hurry.'

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

The Modern Godot

Undercover Biophysicists

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

GM Crops Genie.

Newton's Law and Order.

Galileo describes his discoveries to the church (and gets hit over the head by the bishop/pope with the telescope that he made the discoveries with).

"Remember when, on the Internet, nobody knew who you were?"

"Our system's been cracked. How is that even possible?"

The Animal Researcher Reports...'I've been watching this herd of cattle for seven years, and to be frank, I haven't seen them do anything yet!'

'She didn't notice it was a wolf and not her grandma?? Had grandma never heard of electrolysis??'

'Okay - Let's crash that bad boy.'

Uncle Sam is Big Brother.