Style Connoisseur Gifts

The all-swimsuit issue

"I'd like it to say 'Responsible' as well as - you know -'with-it'."

Four beds labelled modern, abstract, surreal and cartoon

FAD fashion mag: Trays on desk read: In/So Not In.

"Now here's one that has the glamour above the table."

"Of all the buildings I've designed, it's probably the most handsome."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

"Can you make wishes on fake eyelashes?"

'At least we look cool. Especially with the wind chill factor.'

"Whoa. Jeff. Looks like you got that job at the cosmetic testing lab."

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

bird interprets modern art

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

'Anorak anoraks'.

Arms reach through a mirror to straighten a man's bow tie.

'No way Doug! You can not stick it to the man in new season, smart casual menswear!'

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

The Return Of The Minipants

"Would the gentleman care for a razor and comb to start?"

"Don't say a word! Your eyes, your hair, your T-shirt, your luggage—they say it all."

Peak Beard/High Peak Beard

'I wanted a change in decor.'

'Of course she hasn't aged a bit. She's married to a plastic surgeon!'

'For my latest line, I bought clothes at Target and then changed the label,'

'It's a chinstache. They were popular in the 1800's, but now they're coming back.'

"We're the same age, but you look great! What's your secret?"

Bald Man Overcomb

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

Trendies, INC

"I hope he's wearing pants."

'No, no....You have it all wrong!'

'He wears a necktie like he means it.'

"If Marcus Aurelius himself were standing here today, I'm sure he would agree this suit reflects perfectly your stoic sensibilities."