Straight-talker Admirer T-Shirts

"I like you because you have absolutely no agenda."

"Feel free to take notes."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

"Tell us again about the humpback of Notre dame."

"Come in, minion."

Loud Chorister

Forrest Gander

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

"What is it with Garrison Keillor and rhubarb pie?"

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

marionette

"You think you're brave? I read Hebrew in front of a live audience."

That's a shame. What's a shame? Did I do something wrong, officer? TSA. Yes, you did. You let your boyfriend turn you down. So what if he's 15,000 miles away in Russia? If I were your man, I'd never let that stop me. I would fly to the ends of the earth for you. This routing ever work for you? Good lord this routine must work for you.

Charles Dickens

'It's from Goldilocks's lawyer. Apparently, she's suing us because she burnt her mouth on the hot porridge.'

"That isn't allowed either."

Anthony Trollope

'It's a knight in British army issue shining armour' - Knight in string vest and underpants

Augmented reality check

'Nowadays kiddo, we just need to herd the sheep, but my grandfather had to protect them from wolves!'

"You're definitely in the top 1,000,000,000 people on this planet."

'I heard you mom is really strict.'

I think the biggest drawback to binge-watching a godawful tv series has to be the hangover.

Alexander Pushkin

Tarnhelm

Freia and the apples of eternal youth

"Try and stop me if you’ve heard this one before …"

Cowardly lion is carrying a keg of courage.

"Awesome! Are you sure I won't end up spending all my time on it?"

Michael Moorcock

V S Naipaul

"I wish my life were as exciting as those movies!"