Straight-shooter Admirer T-Shirts

"You have to admire their straightforwardness."

'No doubt about it Captain. See these markings? This arrow belongs to Robin Hood!'

Warrior Woman

"What old school? This is my life."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

A Witch Consults Her Magic Mirror

Three card brag - I'm great! I'm really handsome & I'm very rich.

"I like you because you have absolutely no agenda."

"Sorry Darling, you are fabulous, but I'm searching for MY Prince too!"

"Tell us again about the humpback of Notre dame."

"Come in, minion."

'Where does it hurt?'

Posh man taking his dog clay pigeon shooting

A hunter hitting his first bird.

"Oh, it's a grand day for Harvard!"

"I think that one is a little too honest."

'Let's cut out the mumbo jumbo and get to the nitty gritty.'

"What is it with Garrison Keillor and rhubarb pie?"

The Army of the Potomac- A Sharpshooter on Picket Duty

'It's a whole new twist - a straight-laced detective who does everything by the book.'

An unlicensed acupuncturist

"I've gone for a retro phone."

'Nowadays kiddo, we just need to herd the sheep, but my grandfather had to protect them from wolves!'

'It's a knight in British army issue shining armour' - Knight in string vest and underpants

Anthony Trollope

'It's from Goldilocks's lawyer. Apparently, she's suing us because she burnt her mouth on the hot porridge.'

Charles Dickens

Freia and the apples of eternal youth

Alexander Pushkin

"That isn't allowed either."

'I heard you mom is really strict.'

I think the biggest drawback to binge-watching a godawful tv series has to be the hangover.

Tarnhelm

"Try and stop me if you’ve heard this one before …"

Bowtox.