Storytime Giants Gifts

Giant to librarian: 'Excuse me, do you have a large print version?'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

The Poky Little Pupa.

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

Little Princess.

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'A is for Arse.'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

'Bedtime stories at the Browns'.'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

'The cow jumped over the Moon? -- What was SHE on?'

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Why did I start the story with 'Twice upon a time?' Because it's a sequel."

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

"Grandpa, tell us again about pensions!"

'Don't worry, he'll soon grow into it.'

"Read me one more, Daddy!"

"Again? I read you your Miranda rights last night."

"And thirteen innocent logs perished in that fire they used to burn Joan."

'Yeah, year, I get the moral of the story, but what are the legal ramifications?'

"We call it 'learning to read', not 'battling illiteracy'."

"Okay, just one story. Once upon a time, there was a naughty little boy who wouldn't go to sleep."