Storytime Fanatic Gifts

Please, oh please, oh please!

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

The Poky Little Pupa.

Little Princess.

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

"If you insist on doing all the voices, Dad. Don't you think father bear should have a deeper voice than Goldilocks?"

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

'The pioneers opened the frontier, but it wasn't legal until brave lawyers blazed the paper trail!'

"Go figure: nobody wanted to kiss me when I was an ugly prince, but now, somehow, pretty girls are lining up!"

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

Hansel and Gretel Day School.

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

'We're out of water, Jack. Time to go back up the hill to fetch a pail.'

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

'I wonder how Curious George fits into all this?'

'Come on, girl! I know you can do it! Jump over the moon!'

"When Mom reads that story, the dragon comes off as a much more sympathetic character."

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

'It doesn't say what she had for dessert on Thanksgiving. It just says she made a coach out of her pumpkin.'

Bedtime in Ancient Greece