Story Time Enthusiast Gifts

"Once upon a time, there was a frozen pizza, and inside the pizza some very bad monsters lived. Their names were refined white flour, reconstituted tomato, and processed cheese. But the worst monster of all was called pepperoni!"

"Read me one more, Daddy!"

"Down in front!"

"The soup of the day is mushroom-barley, but I'd rather talk about the soup of November 6, 1946."

"It's dog s**t, dear."

A.S.A.P.'s Fables

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

Grandma was really getting sick of all the snow and this never ending winter...

"And though they didn't quite live happily ever after, they couldn't really grumble"

'...so she switched deodorants and lived happily ever after.'

'My favorites are the ones dad tells when he gets home late.'

'They all said Goliath was too big to fail.'

'You've got yourself a deal son. I'll read you 'Babar' and you'll help me with my computer.'

'Mom...do all fairy tales begin with 'once upon a time...?'

'Mom, will you play me a bedtime story on tape?'

'The serpent was rotten to the core, but the apple was delicious.'

"Read me that new turtle book that's getting all the buzz."

We moved into this great new place, but now she never comes outside. Little Free Library.

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"Hod it – there's another story I'm following."

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"Do you see yourself becoming a movie in five years?"

Victor Hugo

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

The Poky Little Pupa.

"Finally, the alphabet is paying off."

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

Little Princess.

"Why didn't one of the bears just call 9-1-1 and have that girl arrested for trespassing?"

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'