Story Time Lover Gifts

Man sees door sign at Podiatrist's office: 'This Little Piggy Went to Market'.

Hansel and Gretel Day School.

'Frankly, Dad, the symbolism of all this stuff - talking pigs, witches, invisible trees - goes right past me.'

"Sorry, I'm running late, I had to change Junior's bed-sheets: he found a little blond girl asleep in his bed this morning!"

"Why didn't they set their security system before they left home?"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

The Poky Little Pupa.

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

Little Princess.

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

"Nice epic battle between good and evil!"

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"I just never 'think I can' anymore."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"Go figure: nobody wanted to kiss me when I was an ugly prince, but now, somehow, pretty girls are lining up!"

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'Come on, girl! I know you can do it! Jump over the moon!'

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"