Story Time Lover Pillows

Man sees door sign at Podiatrist's office: 'This Little Piggy Went to Market'.

Hansel and Gretel Day School.

'Frankly, Dad, the symbolism of all this stuff - talking pigs, witches, invisible trees - goes right past me.'

"Sorry, I'm running late, I had to change Junior's bed-sheets: he found a little blond girl asleep in his bed this morning!"

"Why didn't they set their security system before they left home?"

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

'He took from the rich and gave to the poor? It sounds like wealth redistribution.'

Little Princess.

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

"No sweetie, it’s a beurk not a book."

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

Biggles has a more staid adventure.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"The bear whose porridge was too hot...did he sue?"

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"Go figure: nobody wanted to kiss me when I was an ugly prince, but now, somehow, pretty girls are lining up!"

'Is this one of those deals where the names have been changed to protect the innocent?'

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"Because he's illiterate. That's why I have to read to him all the time."

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

"After I fix your laptop, can I have a bedtime story?"

'I wonder how Curious George fits into all this?'

Jacques et Jille

"Is this fiction, non-fiction or historical fiction?"

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up