Storybook Sleeper Gifts

Rip Van Winkle, "He's survived the operation, now he's sleeping peacefully."

"And they both lived happily ever after up until the moment their meds wore off."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

Late night teddy reading

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

"My, grandma, what a big nose you have! Let's take a little off the sides."

Night-time halo

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

"Where the wild things were."

The Shed Mystery: 'Ah! There you are! Ok, that's enough...time to go ho...uh...wait...what the...?'

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

Bed Seasons

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'I have a feeling we are not in Kansas anymore.'

“If I start pressing these, I’ll never ever ever get out of here.”

"Do you have a good attorney or a bad attorney?"

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Sleeping Beauty

Litterary Dogs.

'He said he won't give me a new heart unless I change my lifestyle.'

'Then Jack told his mother they were getting out of the dairy business and going into crop production.'

'Sorry I'm late - I was stacked up at the airport.'

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

Interpretive napping

Grimm's Fairytales - Title Page

Giant to librarian: 'Excuse me, do you have a large print version?'

'She said she was made out of sugar and spice, so I bit her.'

"That will be the gold standard by which all other naps are judged."

'No sequel? No movie version? Just read me the big money makers like 'Harry Potter'.'

"The time has come to talk of many things; of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of double-entry bookkeeping, too."

Sun and the Moon step out.