Storytime Sleeper Gifts

'This is the voice mailbox of Rip Van Winkle. You have forty seven thousand two hundred and six messages...'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Late night teddy reading

"...and the humans turned Neville into 80,000 toothpicks..."

'Please make us instruments of Thy peace, starting with Bucky Sims.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Shadow Puppet Bunny Threatened By Shadow Hawk

The Poky Little Pupa.

'She's just great with the children.'

'Read me the one about the ant and the obsessive-compulsive grasshopper.'

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Now Simon would have nightmares about his mother's failing eyesight.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Ant story: 'and so they worked all day and they worked all night and then they worked some more, the end.'

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

'Put some feeling into it. I can't tell the difference between the lion and the mouse.'

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I'm actually pretty ready for bed."

Bed Seasons

"Customers who bought 'The Three Little Pigs' also bought...."

'No, you can't use your last wish, to wish for another three wishes!'

"Go figure: nobody wanted to kiss me when I was an ugly prince, but now, somehow, pretty girls are lining up!"

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

Hansel and Gretel Day School.

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"Oh,oh - here comes quality time again."

'Am I looking sad or happy in the appropriate places?'

"Mommy usually reads me a story, then slips me a twenty."

'Come on, girl! I know you can do it! Jump over the moon!'

'I've always loved your adventurousness in bed.'

'We're out of water, Jack. Time to go back up the hill to fetch a pail.'

Alice Through the Looking Glass - Alice Climbs Through The Mirror.

'I wonder how Curious George fits into all this?'

'Come on Jill, they say the water's well good.'

"She married and then divorced, and then she married and divorced, and then she married and lived happily ever after."