Storm Prepper Gifts

'Put up the storm windows? -- but that's just looking for trouble!'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Natural Disasters

"T-shirt weather's coming. How ready are you?"

"Yes, it's a safe: I was fed up with my winter provisions being raided by freeloaders!"

'You mean to tell me you forgot where you buried dinner?'

A fire extinguisher box with band aids in them has a sign above with reads, "In case you cut yourself breaking glass break this glass."

What's your contingency plan, Randy? My what? If a calamity of biblical proportions were to strike here in Canardville, would you flee across the bridge to Candorville? Or would you search in vain for a fallout-resistant bunker, before surrendering to the cruel inevitability of your demise? I ask just for the sake of discussion. No reason to panic. Totally unrelated: I just found out someone who's definitely not me is selling fallout bunkers at buy-this-now-if-you-want-to-live.com. Very bad man.

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

Wally flunks the test: The Emergency Broadcast System.

'For no particular reason I want to know the location of our fire extinguisher.'

"If I have this peanut in my pocket, it means I must have buried my keys!"

'Relax. This is only a test.'

Disasters

Emergency Underpants

'Yes, Ralph, they are nuts, but...'

'I keep them around for unruly octopi, or giant radioactive spiders... you know, just in case.'

We can't call an ambulance. He doesn't allow personal calls on company time.

'I've been plagued with worry over rising water levels, so...'

'Have you filed an environmental impact statement for this flood?'

Fire Assembly Point

'The tropical tax haven where he offshored his business was just hit by a tsunami.'

"What's this stench?! You know you're not supposed to store perishable items for winter right?!"

'Of course the scientists have got this all wrong about climate change.'

In case of fire call yourself.

Helicopter Rescues.

'It's the plumber ... '

'Lower.No,lower. A way lower. - Under the arms.Under the arms! Around his chest! OK listen...- Do you want to learn the Heimlich manoeuvre or not?!!!'

"Just two more outfits. . .Then I'll jump."

Alberta on fire

Weather is getting bad. . . what you need in your car for winter driver and emergencies...

You Can't Escape Zombies in a Canoe

Where's the leak then?

"I'm getting a snack. Want me to dig up anything for you while I'm out?"

How To Deal With The Upcoming Recession, Inflation, Depression, Ice Age, Greenhouse Effect, Energy Crunch, Population Explosion, and Complete End of the World in the Year 2000.