Store Sardonic Gifts

Big Huge Market. Featuring 38 Checkout Lanes and 2 Cashiers.

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

"I never said they were well-compensated. I just said they were paid handsomely."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

Targets

'Who ordered twelve gross of aluminium buckets for the bailout?'

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

'Wine improves my judgement. The urge to choke you lessens after a couple glasses of Chardonnay.'

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

Special Place in Hell...

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

"Chad is doing product placement on the Simpson trial."

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

"I'm sorry Gerald but all those orgasms were 'fake news'."

"The food is so-so, but they make up for it with free refills on the drinks."

"Occasionally he allows staff to voice their grievances..."

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

Please Wait to be Heated. (Two new arrivals enter Hell.)

"Look Marj, decalf."

'It may seem dull to you now, Harry, but at one time, everything in that book was breaking news.'

"Forget the meaning of life, go get me a chirpractor."

'I got bored with the pale horse, so I swapped it for a white van.'

'The world will remember me when I'm gone...at least, that considerable part I owe money to.'

"It's not garden decking. The wind blew the fence down last night."

'Damocles, did I sit in the wrong chair?'

"Maureen, Phelps is down. Would you like to come In and kick him?"

"Acid burns to the lips, sea-water in the lungs, a bullet hole to the right temple...it all points to a love of life."

Man Gives Death the Finger.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else. Someone with peanuts."