Sardonic Food Lover Gifts

'Humans are strange: they call us dirty, disgusting rats, but regard mouldy cheeses as delicacies...'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

"He's So Your Type."

Targets

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

Man falls off perch

'Wine improves my judgement. The urge to choke you lessens after a couple glasses of Chardonnay.'

T.S. Eliot calendar.

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

Special Place in Hell...

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

"Chad is doing product placement on the Simpson trial."

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

"I'm sorry Gerald but all those orgasms were 'fake news'."

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

"Take some identification with you in case you die."

'Don't get me wrong - hell is awful, but it could be so much more hellish. We have much to learn from them.'

"Nothing much. Reading a book by some dead white female."

"You never see a fish down here. I wonder if they know something we don't know."

Hearse on an emergency

'You may experience some discomfort.'

"And do you get a shooting pain between your eyes?"

"The food is so-so, but they make up for it with free refills on the drinks."

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

"Can you see it, Bob? Green grass, warm breeze, flip flops. . . spring is coming!"

"No, it's not a foreclosure. It's my 'Going out of business sale!' Everything must go!"

Please Wait to be Heated. (Two new arrivals enter Hell.)