Sardonic Cereal Enthusiast Gifts

The Backs Of Adult Cereal Boxes

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Page One

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

"Everything bad for you has already been removed."

Targets

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

'Wine improves my judgement. The urge to choke you lessens after a couple glasses of Chardonnay.'

Man falls off perch

T.S. Eliot calendar.

'The dept. of agriculture says yes, the environmental protection agency says maybe, and the food and drug administration says no.'

Witch's breakfast cereal makes the sound: 'Snap, Cackle, Pop.'

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

"Chad is doing product placement on the Simpson trial."

Special Place in Hell...

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

"You'll be in charge of the music down here."

Sugar-coated riboflavin yellow #5 fructose surbosic-carboblutonic flakes.

"I'm sorry Gerald but all those orgasms were 'fake news'."

"Cap'n crunches"

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

Cereal Development Dept...'Johnston! I don't think whistle, humm, and detonate is going to catch on at breakfast.'

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

I Can't Believe It's Not Fake News

"You didn't have to do that, Simon. It tells you on the box if there's a free gift inside!"

Cereal for Accountants

"Nothing much. Reading a book by some dead white female."

'Say, did you guys catch that report on the most important meal of the day?' ... 'I swear Breakfast, if you don't shut up already...'

'You may experience some discomfort.'

'Don't be so velodramatic!'