Sardonic Humor Fan Gifts

Funeral Home: Gone to a better place ? Back in one hour.

T.S. Eliot calendar.

'You're obese.'

"You have to admit she never looked better in her life."

"Nothing much. Reading a book by some dead white female."

"This next song is for everyone who has ever been incarcerated."

"Young, rich, and restless—that's a career?"

"Poor Harold always did have trouble with seafood."

Very Hard Candy.

Two vending machines for fisherman: 'Live Bait' next to 'Dead as a Doornail Bait'

'As long as they're being fished to extinction, we might as well be the ones to do it.'

You're right. It really opens the place up.

"Zero point four eight. . . my mercury content."

"Let's face it. The only play you've ever liked is 'Stop the World - I Want to Get Off.'"

'The government's right. Not counting, food, clothing, energy, shelter, health care, or transportation, inflation is hardly going up.'

'All we can do is hope for identity theft.'

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

'She's not very good. She only did three revolutions and her air wasn't all that much.'

How I Spent My Summer Vacation: Page One

Fish eating smaller fish in a tank.

Men working (part time).

'You know what'll do wonders for you? A nose job.'

'Money, that's what seperates us from the apes.'

Targets

'Have you considered the career enhancement opportunities of giving birth in your lunch hour?'

'Wine improves my judgement. The urge to choke you lessens after a couple glasses of Chardonnay.'

Man falls off perch

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

"It floated. I want my money back."

"This is the most transparent administration in history..."

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'