Stock Sipper Gifts

Common stock, Preferred stock, Private stock.

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

The last song before the party exploded.

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"Sigh...Another sherry Harold...Go team ect."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

Milton wonders if it would be possible to substitute scotch and sex for tea and sympathy.

"'60 Minutes' is on."

"How do I know if it's fresh?... You asked for 'the soup of the day'. You didn't specify what day."

"Mom, what kind of soup do we eat when we're sick?"

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it? No. What if I drank scotch and smoked a cigar and listened to vinyl records and grew a big lumberjack beard? It's what all the hipsters are doing. You're not a hipster. I'm at least a kneester. At most you're a keister.

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

'It's an innovative way to boost attendance.'

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

"When I was your age, I was a lot older."

'You're a nihilist, eh? — well, at least you have something to believe in.'

"A foot bath after a long hard day at work is really nice!"

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

"I'll just have a Diet Coke. I'm in the middle of my novel."

"My famous chicken soup! The secret ingredient is the rum."

"Here, son, don't forget your glass of fizzy."

Frank and Ernie's Diner. I'll have the beef and tomato consomme from Santiago. Coming up one chilly Chile Chili!

"There's no secret formula. I basically just pour scotch over ice."

'Don't you have anything larger?'

"Transitioning from home to office again is more difficult for some than others."

'A wine list? How prosaic. This is our list of lists: beer, wine, single malt scotch, water, soda, cognac...'