Saltwater Sipper Gifts

"Better make it a double. This dude's got Salt Lake City on his mind!"

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

Sparkling Water

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

The last song before the party exploded.

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

Beach flirting

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"I don't care what anybody says, coffee just tastes better in a tree stand. . ."

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

Complaints Desk

"I'm a retriever but I prefer 'Go-Getter'."

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

"Detox is two doors back, bro' - this is retox!"

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'

'Gee, mom, you know I want to visit - I'm just so darned busy.'

'Come to order' 'I'll have a burger, hold the mayo, and a large cola.'

"Mom, what kind of soup do we eat when we're sick?"

'Will you stop yelling save the whales and finish you pina colada?'

"How do I know if it's fresh?... You asked for 'the soup of the day'. You didn't specify what day."

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

'I've still got the fire in my belly, but for the next two weeks I'm solar powered.'

'I told you to sip it!'

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

'It's got worse than just the occasional sploosh from a wine box, hasn't it?'

"My famous chicken soup! The secret ingredient is the rum."

"A foot bath after a long hard day at work is really nice!"

'What a relaxing vacation. I've even lost track of the news cycles!'

'This cola only has half the calories, so if I only drink half that would be no calories!'

"When I was your age, I was a lot older."