Drink Sipper Gifts

"I avoided the flu all winter...but spring fever finally got me."

"Don't you worry JB, everything is fine here."

"...Stop complaining if it wasn't for the mosquitoes you wouldn't get any exercise at all!"

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"Christmas - what a fuss eh?"

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Moments like this make me glad I taught you how to fetch mojitos."

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

'I swear, if he didn't always pick up the tab, I'd never go drinking with him.'

"Bad morning. I was running late and skipped my coffee, diet soda, energy drink and Ritalin."

City Boy.

Bryan Ferry

The last song before the party exploded.

"Whine and cheezed party."

Beach flirting

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"My inner child wants to have a playdate with your inner child."

"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, fell, and retained a brilliant attorney."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'You know what would be really romantic? If, just for once, you sat at the tap end.'

"Detox is two doors back, bro' - this is retox!"

'Gee, mom, you know I want to visit - I'm just so darned busy.'

Complaints Desk

A very fine vintage

Anton's Bar and Grill

'I told her my biological clock was going off, and she hit my snooze alarm.'

"I'm a retriever but I prefer 'Go-Getter'."

'Enjoying a snifter of brandy by the fire...'

A Transformer for grownups

"Our seasonal special is spiced pumpkin apple butternut squash ale. Would you like that in a frosted mug or over ice cream?"

No boyfriend, can't be bothered t-shirt

'Just wait until I'm introduced to carbonated beverages!'