Stock Option Skeptic Gifts

'I was wondering, Mr. Hartwelder, if I could be paid in money rather than stock options?'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

'If he knows so much about stocks and shares, how come he still has to work?'

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Stock market investment advice

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

Bernard Madhoff $50-billion Ponzi financial scheme.

'Okay, let the minutes show we're not absconding with the money until the economy improves...'

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

'So, a bailout is like a Ponzi scheme for automakers?'

'Worker or Soldier: Is that all you can suggest? Not much of a choice is there!...'

The contract was not worth the paper it was written on, which considering the paper was not a good sign.

'If congress regulates obscene bonuses, isn't that a violation of the first amendment?'

'I've been in Washington for 30 years, and that's the biggest rathole I'VE ever seen!'

'Stocks plummeted today, on forecasts that tomorrow will be warm and muggy.'

'There's no correlation to stock prices. It's just a 'feel good' graph.'

We lost money in every division, but through the magic of accounting, our Take A Penny Leave A Penny trays earned $46 million.

'Great speech on the future of the economy. You said nothing with great conviction.'

'Stocks dropped today, proving once again that life sucks.'

Wall Street Down

"This investment will make a pile of money. Of course, a good question is 'for whom?'"

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

'It's scoundrel time . . . '

Guide to Working Class Investing

I'm sorry, but I have to let you go, Harpic- the office is going open-plan.

Be thankful we didn't invest social security funds in the stock market.

"Do you mind? I'm reading the prospectus carefully before investing."

"Some say we can't go on making millions forever, but I think they're wrong!"

"Have you ever wanted something so bad that you'd actually save up the money to buy it?"

"You know it almost BEGGARS belief that so many people are unwilling to pay for professional pension advice."

"Remember, we must project the illusion that our main responsibility is to our stockholders."

"Now do you see, Betty, what a little luck, a few sound investments and the shameless inflation of corporate profits through bogus transactions can buy."

"I invested $1000 in Nortel and now my shares are worth 18 cents."

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).